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Name: Chris
Country: United States
State: Washington
Metro: Seattle
Birthday: 9/23/1985
Gender: Male

Interests: lots and lots
Expertise: Things that I do... cuz I tend to not be as good at things I don't do.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Computers (Software)

Message: message meEmail: email me

Member Since: 8/4/2003

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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

The Need for Cliques

These days, in the era of political correctness and mutual understanding, we are quite often led to believe that there is no need for cliques, that everyone can and should be friends with everyone else, and that we should value everyone, and that we should all be able to get along. And I have even bought into it myself, and it has led to a lot of frustration for me, but now I am realizing that cliques do need to exist in order for us to have identity, belonging, clear priorities, and just for our own sanity in general.

This is one reason I've been frustrated with my church, because in the name of eliminating cliqueishness within the youth group, I am constantly under pressure to conform to the clique in power at the expense of being myself.
Here's an example that's been on my mind:

In the course of casual conversation at our youth group sleepover, two individuals were reminiscing about a time when they bought a trampoline, built it improperly, and through their negligence, broke it. Because the trampoline was still under warranty, they returned it for a full refund, which punished the company for having a gracious return policy. This was a very fond memory for these two individuals, and they laughed without abandon, showing no trace of guilt or remorse. [More generally, abusing Costco's return policy is popular among all Asians I know.]

And to me, this was absolutely repulsive. But what can I do about it? Can I confront them about it? They haven't done anything illegal, and in their view have done nothing wrong. But in my family, we pretty much never return anything unless it is truly defective. More than anything else, the one value my parents have instilled in the core of my being is this: you take responsibility for your own mistakes, and you don't pass off the consequences to others.

On the other hand, I think these two individuals might find me repulsive for not being a loyal friend. When I agree, I agree with ideas, not with people, so it's perfectly reasonable to me to side with "my enemy" when they make a good point, and go against "my friend" when they make a bad one. And I put those terms in quotes because I wouldn't even use them that way.

So my point is this: they believe one thing, I believe another, and we're both justified. The only way we can keep our own identities on these issues is to be in different cliques.

But what about people like Frank Zhang, Jon Chartrand, and my dad, who can get along with lots of different people who believe and value completely different things? I believe they are able to transcend cliques because their self-esteem isn't tied whatsoever to an "us vs. them" mentality. They don't think things like "the good thing about me is that I'm not like those people who [insert action / lifestyle here]". People who think like that will always need a clique around them. This kind of thinking is at the root of racism, sexism, homophobia, ageism, elitism, and all forms of hatred.

I wouldn't say I'm like that, but I think I still need a clique, simply because I'm tired of getting my choices questioned at every turn. I choose to live my life one way, and it's ridiculed (or at least not validated) by one group of friends, but if I conform to them, then I'm ridiculed by another group of friends. That or it's my family, or it's Lisa... it's always somebody.

I recently shared at youth group about my struggle to turn away from video games, because that isn't who I want to be. But you know, if I were able to surround myself with only people who valued gaming... I'm sure I could easily be happy with that habit. Anything is acceptable when we're surrounded by people who accept it.

And I realize now that if I want to define who I am in a lasting way, I must either surround myself with like-minded people, or continue my current path of being isolated and misunderstood.

2:35 PM - 99 views - 6 eprops - 4 comments - email it

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Hooked on a Feeling?

What are we really pursuing in life? What is it that motivates us to keep pushing through all the struggles of living everyday?
One reason could be the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit of a feeling.
Another reason could be the pursuit of money, but what is money for? I would say money can buy us happiness in some ways, or it can make us feel superior, or feel secure, or feel like we're good people if we give it away to others... but these are all feelings too.
Another reason could be the pursuit of knowledge, but what is knowledge for? Knowledge could help us find happiness, it can also make us feel superior to others, feel smug, or feel like we accomplished something great.
You see what I'm getting at?
It seems to me like... nothing is an end in itself until it produces a desired feeling. And maybe this is because feelings are the only thing we really experience. Everything else is external to us, but feelings are happening inside of us all the time.
Another reason to live could be the pursuit of love and relationships, but once again, perhaps the only "purpose" of a relationship is how it makes you feel. You say you "love" the other person, but perhaps the reality is that you just love the way you feel when you're with that person.
Maybe this is obvious to people out there who have thought about feelings a lot... but I can't say that I have.
The reason it came to mind is that... maybe my relationship with God is also the pursuit of a feeling? Just as before, maybe when I say "I love God" I really mean "I love how I feel when I'm following God" and nothing more.
Lately, I haven't really been feeling it, and hence I don't know if I love God anymore, because how I've felt as I've been pursuing God hasn't been that great, at least not what it used to be. In theory, it seems like that shouldn't affect my love for God, and yet it does... Zach was telling me today that it seemed like my posted item of Josh McDowell's testimony makes it sound like Christianity is just an anti-depressant. And maybe that's not far off. That's more or less how I use it these days. Maybe it used to be more than that, but now that I've been tricked into following this feelings-driven lifestyle, then that's what it's become.

Maybe this is also why divorce is on the rise in our society: we really have no concept of truly loving someone, we only know how to love the way we feel, so if they stop making us feel that way then we don't love them anymore.

This reminds me of a car ad I saw, that says "It's not about the leather interior, 6-speaker stereo, or the pop-up navigation systems... the question is, when you turn your car on, does it return the favor?", which basically says, if you buy this car, you're not really buying a car; you're buying a feeling.
And maybe that's true of every product, just that for some it's more obvious than others?

I don't know... this theory is making a lot of sense to me right now, but at the same time it deeply troubles me...

5:15 AM - 164 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Courage or Cowardice

The more anime I watch, the more one central theme stands out to me: the enemy is coming at you, threatening your dreams, threatening your life... what will you do? Will you stand up to the enemy? Or will you run away?
Sometimes they charge in, sometimes they run away. Sometimes they live, sometimes they die.
Is there a pattern? Does the courageous hero always save the day? Or are the brash always killed, and it's the wiser cowards who succeed?
Can we conclude whether it is courage or cowardice that will lead us on to live another day?

That's the frustrating thing... we have no control. Sometimes the hero lives, sometimes he dies. Sometimes the cowardly escape, or sometimes they die a slower death, finding nowhere to run...

There's an illusion that those who are strong will have control over their destiny... that they will be able to defeat every enemy, and always be victorious.

But all I am not fooled... there is no control. We may live or die, but the one thing we can choose is whether we will be the hero or the coward.

1:47 AM - 59 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Faith based on things seen

I recently added the Fantasy Stock Exchange application on facebook, and I've been looking for ways to pick the stock that are going to go up. How can I know? Do I need to research every company, spending hours on market analysis? I'm just not prepared to do that... and that's why I'm glad I stumbled upon MSN StockScouter. It ranks all the stocks for me, telling me which ones are the best. I was a little skeptical at first, but then I tried investing in a couple of its picks: Transocean (RIG), and Suntech Power Holdings (STP). In a couple weeks, RIG went up by 17%, and STP went up by 35%! At this point, if anybody asks me where to go for good stock tips, I'm going to say MSN StockScouter.

And I think that process of coming to faith in StockScouter is reasonable. I tried it out, and found evidence to believe that it works, so now I believe in it. I don't think you can expect me to believe in it without any evidence, can you?

I don't see why anyone can expect you to believe in a religion without evidence that it works... that kind of blind faith isn't expected of anything else! And besides... if you just told me that I have to believe in MSN StockScouter or I'm going to hell or something... you could just as well have said I have to believe in JoeBob's Retard-o-Stocks, and who am I to argue, if it's all about blind faith?
Blind faith without evidence gives the real deal no way to show you it's the real deal. And if that's the case, then how are we possibly expected to choose the right path? It's just a crapshoot. This is why my faith is based on the evidence of things seen. You can call my faith weak if you want, but at least I have some reason to believe that it's right.

1:26 PM - 44 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

A place for the "hopeless cases"

When I look at the people I choose to spend time with, it tends to be the people that I enjoy spending time with. And who wouldn't? And so we all go about building our social networks of people who we like, and that's how we spend our time. No earthshaking surprise there.
And I think the politically correct thing to say next is that everybody can find a group of people who is similar to them, or different in some complementary way (Even better! Celebrate diversity!) so that everybody can have friends, and be appreciated, and find meaningful relationships, and all that good stuff that every person on the planet wants.

But you have to admit... that's pretty optimistic. Because there are people out there who are just... a drag. It could be their personality, or it could be mental illness, or social ineptitude, or a severe physical disability, whatever... but these misfits are not at the top of anybody's list to hang out with. And no, you can't just lump them all together and say "well, they'll just be friends with each other" because if they're all psycho or obnoxious jerks, that's just not gonna be a fun party.

And what can we do with these people? Just shun them until they conform? Just say "I'm not going to hang out with you or care about you until you become the kind of person that I enjoy hanging out with and caring about." ? I mean, that's what I'm naturally inclined to do... I don't want to hang out with the people I don't want to hang out with. To act like it's otherwise would make no sense at all.

All this to say... I would hope that church is the place for these people to go. Whether you believe in Christianity or not, at the least it should serve the purpose of being a safety net for people who are discarded by society. A place where people can come and be loved and cared for.
Why would Christians be motivated to do this? Well, I can tell you a reason that won't work: coming to church to be with people you enjoy hanging out with. That motivation naturally seeks to push boring, annoying, and difficult people away, and it doesn't offer anything new. But I would hope that, somehow through their faith and their relationship with God, that Christians would come to church because they enjoy serving, and they enjoy making a difference. When your entire goal is to change lives for the better, then you naturally need to find people with problems, or else there is nothing to change!

Maybe I'm saying this wrong... I kind of sound manipulative, overbearing, and condescending, and that's not my intent.
My point is that there needs to be a reason to spend time with people who aren't fun to spend time with, and the only reason I can see is the joy of serving, and the joy of seeing somebody change for the better. If it's always about seeking out the fun people and adding them to my circle of friends... then the people who aren't fun will naturally get discarded.

1:12 PM - 48 views - add eprops - add comments - email it

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